When You Stop To Listen

Discovering the healing rhythm God created for every season of life.

• 

Have you ever just closed your eyes and listened to all of the sounds around you?

The past month has been extra stressful, and I’ve felt very out of sorts. It’s been really hard to navigate through all of my responsibilities, and today, the pressure caught up with me.

I sat at my desk to write today’s blog post, and I couldn’t focus. Instead of forcing my thoughts, I closed my eyes and just listened. I heard random birds chirping combined with the distant highway noises. Some cars passed by on our road, and I heard my phone notification sound ( frog croak) and my son’s air conditioner vibrating in his room. My daughter’s door blew shut, and the dogs barked.

There is a lot of life going on around us every second of every day, and it often goes

"Be Still, and know that I am God”—Psalm 34:18

The Silence After Loss

Listening to everything happening around me struck me that life keeps on moving whether we notice it or not. As widows, we often feel unnoticed ourselves because it seems like few people can truly relate to what we’re trying to manage. With our husband gone, who is going to see us for who we are and what we’re going through?

After loss, the silence can actually feel unnerving because this is where the loneliness often shows up.

The world doesn’t stop to close its eyes and listen. It keeps on spinning as our world comes to a standstill. It feels so unfair that people continue to go to work, laugh with friends, celebrate special days and get to go home to their spouse. Meanwhile, we’re trying to figure out how to just get through another day. With our brains in survival mode, we can’t rationalize how unfair it is that life goes on for others while ours has been fundamentally changed forever.

Eventually, though, we can find ourselves at a crossroads. We can choose to believe that the world has simply left us behind and feel resentment and pressure, or we can recognize that this might be a time to be still which can create peace in our life.

Learning to Hear God Again

Grief changes what we notice. At first, we become aware of everything that’s missing. What was once part of our routine has passed with our spouse, and we don’t know how to maneuver through the fog. So many widows start to think that more activity will not only take the focus off of what’s lost but it’ll also prove to others that we’re moving forward. Some buffering can be helpful in this situation because it gives the brain a rest, but if it goes on for too long, it can keep us from facing our grief.

Once we stop trying to run from grief and start feeling it, that’s when we often hear from God who holds special compassion for widows. He meets us in our pain and gives us peace, if we’re open to it. That peace comes from knowing that with death comes new life. Also, when we start to realize that our life can keep moving as does the world around us, that can aid in our healing.

God’s Rhythm Is Different From the World’s

So this morning as I listened with closed eyes and an open mind, I noticed all of the activities of living that were taking place in those few minutes alone. God created such a wondrous world, full of life and action.

The birds weren’t chirping continuously. They chirped for their purpose, and then they went silent. The people drove by on their way to some destination, and then the road was empty. Even the wind was blowing in gusts and then became still. Everything God creates seems to have a rhythm of movement and rest, but some of us have come to believe that we need to always be productive and moving.

So why is it that when we’re overwhelmed we expect ourselves to still be accomplishing something instead of resting? Maybe some of you have already found your rhythm. For others, maybe you’re like me and feel guilty when you stop moving because you think if you pause, you’re just passively existing. The reality is that when you don’t stop and be still, life passes you by.

There is a time to move and a time to stop and smell the proverbial roses.

“There is a time for everything…” —Ecclesiastes 3:1

When Stillness Becomes a Gift

I discovered this for myself back in 2020 when Kevin was diagnosed as the world shut down for Covid. My business had slowed to basically nothing, and I suddenly had all of this time on my hands. Normally I wouldn’t have known what to do with myself, but I saw the break as a blessing because it gave me ample time to research alternative cancer treatments and learn how to live the most non-toxic lifestyle possible.

I still sometimes fall into the trap of thinking I need to be productive every waking moment, like this morning, but now I can recognize when I’m doing it and am discovering that sometimes listening is more productive than striving because that’s often when we hear God’s direction for us. Besides, if you don’t intentionally stop the madness, your body or emotions will eventually force you to stop.

Today, I didn’t accomplish much while I sat with my eyes closed, or so it appeared from the outside. Yet I walked away calmer than when I sat down and was reminded that God wasn’t asking me to keep up with the world. He was inviting me to pay attention to Him.

Perhaps that’s exactly what I needed today. That’s definitely what I needed after Kevin died.

And maybe it’s what you need too.

The world will keep on moving. Birds will keep singing, and the wind will still come and go. God designed this rhythm well before our time.

Sometimes changing your life begins by noticing more, not doing more. Maybe if you’re still for a while, you’ll notice what God has been saying to you all along.